Will and Anna: Love Ain't Always Easy (Part IV)

[The following is a sad attempt at finishing this story.  Most of the facts are here, but the required emotion and subtlety may be missing.  The author apologizes for this sorry state of affairs]

         Camp ended, and Anna headed back to be with her family in Georgia for a few weeks, anticipating the time that she would be able to spend with Will before the start of the fall semester. Her high hopes quickly crumbled in the face of reality, however.  Although Will had promised all sorts of fun outings and romantic moments for the two of them, she found that he was too busy with his job to spend time with her. It seemed to her that he had more time for the youth that he was supervising than he had for their relationship, and she resented this arrangement.

          One day, Will called her house, hoping to talk to Anna. Her brother Joe answered the phone, then after something of an awkward pause, told Will “Ummm... She can't come to the phone right now.” The tone of Joe's voice told Will that something was wrong, though he wasn't sure exactly what. While Will sat in his room and wondered what had happened, Anna was hunched over in her mom's room, sobbing hysterically. She wept and wailed and confessed to her mother, “I don't want to do this, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. Everybody else thinks this is such a great idea, and I don't know what to do. I'm not feeling loved. He knows that I love him, and I believe that he loves me, but I don't ever feel it. There are other fish in the sea and I can't live like this!”

           Anna knew that she had to do something, but she desperately wanted to avoid hurting Will, and she wasn't sure she could pinpoint the exact reasons that she felt she needed to break off their relationship. After all, they had already begun talking about marriage!  Eventually, she calmed down enough to invite him to her house for a talk. Will remembers the moment well: “I walked in and she got me a glass of water and we went into the living room... and she just broke down.” Through her tears, Anna made it very clear to Will that their relationship needed to be over.

           Anna's timing could not have been better (or worse, depending on your perspective). That night Will was scheduled to be the MC at an Open Mic Night for the youth at his church. He decided to not tell anybody about his woman troubles and pour his heart and soul into his act. This plan worked magically, as Will recalls, “It was the performance of my life. I was all in.”

        Will and some friends were planning to do a lip sync/cover of Queen's “Bohemian Rhapsody.” As he recalls, “It wasn't meant to be me as the lead person, but I was feeling it and I was.” Wearing extremely tight black pants paired with a far too small shirt that bared most of his stomach, Will went on to belt out a completely impromptu version of Celine Dion's classic “My Heart Will Go On.” It was truly a night to remember.

          Now, you might be thinking that things were starting to look rather bleak for Will and Anna. Perhaps you are thinking that Will should take a hint and hit the road. Well, dear reader, I assure you that giving up is not something that Will McNeese does. Even after she broke off their relationship, Will thought to himself, “I don't understand what is going on but it seems like something Anna needs right now...but I still think it's something we can work through.”

            Fortunately, Will decided that despite his hope for their future, he needed to give Anna some space. For probably the first time in their relationship, he left her completely alone. They hardly even talked for the entire month of September. During this time, Will learned some very important things. As he says, “I was forced to be okay on my own, to deal with things on my own and not sap somebody else's life energy.”

           It was at a birthday party for Anna that Will realized “If we don't talk anymore, I'm going to move on. I don't want that to happen, but that is what will happen. Our relationship will dissolve, and I will be okay.” Anna agrees with this idea, but adds “We had been so enmeshed, we were learning to differentiate, learning ourselves.”

            Will describes this period of their relationship this way: “We were both in the same place. We both knew we were okay on our own and that made it okay for us to be back together.” The two of them went for a walk not long after the party and talked about the things they had been learning in their time apart. Anna recalls, “Will caught a lizard in the middle of the serious conversation, which was huge. He stopped being serious and it was playful and it was fun.” Will agrees that by that time, he had changed a great deal. As he says, “Being lighthearted and fun and secure, I wasn't anxious if it worked or not. I became okay with her going through whatever she needed to go through.”

          “Then we got engaged,” says Anna. Truly, it didn't take long for Will and Anna to move from a break-up to a make-up to marriage. They explain it this way: “For us breaking up wasn't a stop to the relationship and then starting over...it was part of the relationship. It was something we had to work through.” After working through that little detail, they once again became inseparable. In early November, Will called her dad to ask for permission to propose. Despite the unpredictable nature of their relationship up to that point, Anna's dad could tell that Will was very serious, so he told him, “Yes, we would love for you to do that.”

           After receiving permission from the father, Will was forced to face that monumental obstacle that looms before every man who hopes to be married—how to choose a ring that a woman will love and cherish for the rest of her life. Will knew that Anna didn't want a ring that stuck out too much or had a huge jewel, but other than that he knew very little about ring shopping. The jeweler showed him five rings, and only one of them stood out to Will. He remembers thinking, “I like it, and it seems to fit the criteria, but I don't know if it's pretty or not.” Being the wise man he is, Will asked his mother and Anna's sister to look at the ring and give their opinion of it. The women loved the ring he had picked, so he made the final decision and put down the money to buy it. For two weeks he kept the ring in a drawer in his room, waiting for an opportunity to propose.

           Will figured out that Anna wanted a fairly private engagement, but a very thought-out one. For Will, this meant that it needed to be big. With that in mind, he went to town and purchased over 400 yards of blue yarn. On the day of the proposal, Will called Daniel Browne and told him to get a rose and some Dove chocolate from Mcdade's Market. Will and Anna had begun a tradition of eating Dove chocolate and laughing at the sensual sayings on the inside of the wrappers, sayings that they had dubbed “The Gospel According to Dove.” Sadly, Mcdade's didn't (and still doesn't) carry Dove chocolate. Determined to make the moment perfect, Will remembered that Krista Puderbaugh had been eating Dove chocolate in class earlier that day. By the time he called Krista, there was only one piece of chocolate left—a piece that she had been planning to eat moments before he called.

           With chocolate and roses taken care of, Will began to string the yarn all over campus, creating a circuitous trail of yarn that led Anna past many memorable spots on Belhaven's campus. At each important place, Will left a skillfully hand-drawn picture that summarized what the two of them had done or experienced in that spot.

          When Anna emerged from the dormitory for what she thought was a dinner date, she was confronted by Jonathan Eastman who solemnly directed her gaze to the line of blue yarn. It didn't take long for Anna to realize, “Oh my, he's going to ask me to marry me.” According to Anna, her first thought was, “What if I say no?”

           Meanwhile, Will waited nervously behind a tree as Anna slowly made her way to the end of the yarn trail. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally saw her coming. The trail ended at the steps of an apartment across the road from the campus, the spot where Will had first told Anna he loved her. As she approached, he stepped out from behind the tree, waited a few moments to make the occasion more solemn (a few moments that felt like forever to Anna), then asked her to marry him. Thankfully, she didn't say no.

          In light of such a momentous occasion, they remember, “We started making out like bandits...we had never kissed before.” Then as they walked back to the dormitory, they found Jonathan Eastman and Derrick French completely tangled in 400 yards of blue yarn. After a good laugh, they went to the Singing Christmas Tree, got some food at Basil's, then came back to Belhaven to tell their engagement story to all their friends. That Sunday, as they entered the dining commons for lunch, Daniel Browne rose to his feet and began clapping—then the entire cafeteria followed his lead and gave the couple a standing ovation.

            During their unpredictable journey toward a marriage that they both always knew was inevitable, Will and Anna have experienced many things and learned a great deal. With these memories in mind, Will insists that people should “Know that whatever you do has consequences on the relationship, and so do it intentionally.” There is no action, according to Will, that two people do that does not move their relationship forward or backward. Also, he suggests the following advice: “Give her the time and space that she and you need.”

          Anna adds that in a relationship it is always important to “Be honest in what you say and how you act. Don't do anything just because you think it's what he wants. Learn to leave the ball in his court.”  And about that legendary first year of marriage, Will and Anna have this to say: “Don't have any other goals, because getting married does not check 'marriage' off your list...marriage doesn't fit into your life plan, it is a plan, it determines your plan.”
           But why the strong emphasis on focusing on the marriage? According to Anna, “You're not married until you know each other and trust each other and become a team.”  I think it is fair to say that Will and Anna know each other, trust each other, and have become quite a team. All truly good things take time, don't they?

An Apology from the Author

The final part of Will and Anna's story is as yet unfinished due to the extreme state of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion that the author of said story is currently experiencing.  We apologize for any distress or inconvenience this delay may cause to our beloved readers, but we feel that it would be better to wait until this present darkness passes before continuing to write, in the hopes that the final product will be worth the wait. 

Until then, feel free to check the Zero Hero Blog for less edited and more incoherent thoughts on birth, death, and everything in between. 

Will and Anna: Love Ain't Always Easy (Part III)

           As the summer after their freshman year ended, the two lovebirds headed back to Jackson, and, as Anna explains, “It kind of went downhill from there.”  Unfortunately, Will and Anna came to this particular stage of their relationship with two very different ideas about what was happening and two very different opinions about what needed to happen. Will describes it like this: “In my mind, it was like the pursuit had already been won, but she was really wanting to be pursued more. For me, though, it was like we were just waiting to get married.” Anna was baffled by Will's very unromantic approach to “pursuit,” and she wished that he would be more like a boyfriend and less like a tired husband.

          It certainly didn't help that Will's personal life was busy and responsibility-heavy during the first semester of his sophomore year. Unfortunately, a lot of Will's stress ended up on Anna's shoulders as he told her about all the pressure he was experiencing as a Resident Assistant, a full-time student, and the Community Outreach Coordinator at Belhaven College. Anna did not particular enjoy being Will's stress receptacle, and  she grew more and more frustrated with the situation as the semester progressed. 

          Finally, a week before finals, she ended their relationship. “I broke up with him because I thought 'I can't do this and listen to him all the time and do finals,;: says Anna. Will could sympathize with many of her complaints, but he didn't agree with Anna's method. “I thought the solution was not to break up but to work through it," he says.  However, despite this setback in his plans for the future, Will also remembers that “At the same time, I was hopeful, because...we finally got it out there in the open. I knew she still liked me. It didn't seem like the end.”

          Anna remembers the break-up in some detail: “We were over by those big trees by Preston, and he was so cool about it. He was not defensive or mean or resentful. He was very kind and humble and understanding and awesome about it. I was very relieved, but I was thinking 'what did I just do?'”

         Over Christmas break, they emailed each other and kept in touch. Will sent her some socks as a silly gift, and Anna asked for Will's address so she could send him a present. She had painted him a picture of the two of them holding the big red button that they had been passing back and forth during the semester, but then she chickened out and never sent it.  “I realized that was a little bit forward, if we weren't dating,” she explains. Will, unaware of this dilemma, only knew that he had not received a present, a fact which didn't do much for his confidence in Anna's love.

           The new semester arrived in all its winter glory, and their non-relationship quickly blossomed into a semi-relationship once again. Anna recalls, “One morning I woke up and looked outside and it was snowing, and who did I want to call and tell but Will?” The two of them tromped out to Laurel Park with some friends and played in the snow, then walked to Anna's older sister's house and made pancakes. 

          After eating pancakes, Will and Anna decided to help clean up the mess. As the two of them washed dishes in the kitchen, Will asked her, “So, do you want to marry me?” Anna was not very pleased by this remark. “I thought he was teasing me, so I got really mad.” After thinking for a moment, she remembers, “He was being very safe, so I had to put myself out on the line.” Anna felt that he had phrased the question in such a way that it could be shrugged off as a joke...or become more serious.  But Anna felt that she was the one who had to set the tone of the statement, something she did not want to be forced to do.  “But...we started dating that day,” she adds sheepishly. 

           It was also around this time that Anna told Will that she loved him, prompting him to talk to her parents about when they could get married.  They decided that the summer after their junior year would be the earliest feasible time, but these plans soon began to unravel as Will fell back into his old habits. Anna recalls, “As soon as he found out 'she's in love with me' he stopped pursuing and started making plans.” Anna felt that they needed to stop planning a wedding and start getting to know each other. 

           Will began to realize that he was not giving Anna what she needed. She wanted dates, flowers, and letters, but he was only giving her stress, heavy conversations, and plans for the future. Right before the summer Will admitted to Anna, “I need to stop acting as if we're getting married.”

           In addition, Will feared that Anna's love might not run as deeply as his. He was afraid that if he stopped calling her, she would never make the effort to call him.  This thought made him rather insecure, naturally.  Will's insecurity affected Anna, who recalls, “I felt like I was having to assure him all the time, even when I wasn't sure. He's the one who's supposed to be sure.” This state of affairs was not very healthy for either Will or Anna, and they could both feel the strain that their relationship was under.  However, they were both willing to keep trying.

          For most of the summer, they were separated geographically, as Will was working at a church in Georgia while Anna was back at Twin Lakes in Mississippi. They talked on the phone sometimes, but it was hard for Anna to get any reception out at the camp. Technological troubles frustrated Will, and a frustrated Will annoyed Anna, so their phone calls became less frequent and less enjoyable as the summer progressed.

           And then, suddenly, it seemed that it all might turn around. Will drove all the way to Mississippi to visit Anna one day without even telling her he was coming. When he got close to Jackson, he called her on the phone, then surprised her by walking into the room while still on the phone. He thought up fun things for the two of them to do and made Anna feel very loved and pursued during the next few days.  Anna began to hope that her dear Will might have finally understood her needs...

Will and Anna: Love Ain't Always Easy (Part II)

          Twin Lakes brought Will and Anna back together. Will had been planning to work at the camp even before he met Anna. His sister had worked at Twin Lakes, the campus was located relatively close to his home, and he had always just assumed he would spend a summer or two there at some point in his life. Anna, on the other hand, had enjoyed her previous experience at Twin Lakes and was prepared to go back, even if it meant being around Mr. Unsubtle for an entire summer. Despite the uneasiness of their relationship, Will remembers, “I missed her the whole time and I couldn't wait to see her.  In response, Anna admits, “I missed him too. I liked him, I just didn't like him.”

          Their first meeting was fairly memorable. It was Will's birthday, and he had told himself that if she remembered to wish him a happy birthday there might still be hope for their relationship. As Anna drove to Twin Lakes from her home in Georgia, she thought about how she would see Will again and wish him a happy birthday to get the summer off to a good start. Tragically, in the transition from her car to her cabin Anna forgot to wish Will a happy birthday, despite her plans to the contrary. Will was disappointed, to say the least.

           Anna tried to make up for it the next day by wishing him a very exuberant late birthday, which made him feel a little bit better...but not much. Later that week, as Will was leaving Twin Lakes for a break, he passed Anna and noticed that she seemed worried. Being the gentleman that he is, Will turned around to see what was wrong, and she asked him if they could talk. Anna apologized for being mean to him during the semester. Anna recalls that after her confession of meanness, “We were driving away and I thought, 'Well I just lost that chance, now he knows I was mean to him.' So I was really really sad about it.” Will, on the other hand, was excited that she could admit that something had been going on between them. Finally there was some concreteness to their semi-relationship, he thought. Problems could always be worked through, he told himself, as long as they were out in the open.  

           That night they both showed up at a friend's house for a barbecue. They had a good time at the party and Will left first, but he waited out by the cars for Anna to come out. She asked him why he was still there, and he quite openly told her “I wanted to say goodbye to you.” Anna remembers, “That was the first time he had done something unsafe to show me that he cared for me. That was huge.” At that moment she realized, “He forgives me and doesn't hate me even though he knows I'm mean.”

           Despite the business of camp life, Will and Anna began to grow closer. During a meal in the dining commons, Anna briefly leaned her head back on his shoulder, which was a huge moment for both of them, even though no one else noticed. During their free time, they had to find other people to hang out with because dating between staff members was not encouraged at Twin Lakes. Eventually, their disguises become more and more transparent. For instance, they saw each other in the staff room one afternoon and said, “Hey, let's go find someone to get coffee with.” Together with their innocent “someone” they went to Will's mom's house and ate ice cream and brownies.

          The summer ended on a fairly positive note, and Will craftily arranged for Anna to give him a ride to Georgia after camp, since he was planning to fly out of the Atlanta airport on his way to St. Petersburg, Russia, where he was going to spend a few weeks with an old friend. However, Will didn't just want a ride. No, Will wanted to actually drive her van, something Anna (and her parents) had not yet let him do. As Will says, “I wanted to drive her van; it was very much a distancing thing. It was a threat to me.” Anna was able to get permission from her parents, so Will excitedly took the wheel and headed east.

           For the first half hour or so, not a word was spoken. Will thought that since he had basically invited himself on the trip, he would let Anna decide whether to talk or not, while Anna was feeling that he needed to start the conversation. Will couldn't take the silence for long, however, so he made a comment about whether they were going to talk at all for the next eight hours. With the ice finally broken, the two began talking...and didn't finish until they pulled into the driveway of Anna's house.

           Fortunately for Will, he needed a place to stay, and Anna's family was quite obliging. “I stayed at her house, loved hanging out with her and her family. I think they were picking up pretty strong signals from me,” remembers Will. “Yeah,” says Anna, “Will is the epitome of subtle.” Her family wisely stayed out of the way, however, and tried not to be too nice to Will, so as to not put pressure on Anna.

           As the two of them drove across town later that week, Will asked Anna why she was being so grouchy. “I'm really going to miss you,” she replied. Naturally, this little comment gave Will a huge burst of happiness. Then later, as Anna took them down a dirt road shortcut that Will had never seen before, he asked her where they were going. With a completely straight face, Anna replied, “I'm going to shoot you,” and for just a moment Will worried that his life might be very short indeed.

           He survived that night, fortunately, and enjoyed the rest of the time he was able to spend at her house. “Every night when we went to bed, she hugged me in a way that she hadn't ever hugged me before,” Will recalls. Sadly, the happy time had to end, as Will's trip to Russia quickly approached.

           While in Russia, Will sent Anna an email every other day. She remembers this quite clearly, as she eagerly checked her email every few hours. During the course of his trip, Will decided that they either needed to start dating or put an end to their semi-relationship. In addition,Will believed that in order to date Anna, he needed to check first with her father. And so, while still in Russia, Will called Anna's dad and arranged to meet when he returned from his trip.

           The journey back to America wasn't very pleasant. Will got dropped off at the St. Petersburg airport at about three in the morning. As he walked through the airport and tried to find his way to the right gate, Will became quite nervous. “Most Russian people can speak English, but they don't like to. I was scared I was going to do something wrong and they were going to get mad at me and shoot me with an AK-47!” Thankfully, he found the correct gate and was able to board the plane.  

           Will didn't sleep much the night before leaving or during the flight (due to a Belgian lady's one year old daughter who was sitting next to him), so he was exhausted when he arrived in Atlanta. Anna had been looking forward to seeing him for days. “I was counting down the minutes,” she recalls. “I was so excited about getting to hug him when he got there.” But when she finally saw him, things didn't turn out quite like she had planned: “He didn't even hug me. He just threw his stuff in and got in the car really fast.”

           After a good night's sleep, Will was back to his old affectionate self, however, and Anna quickly forgave him for his rudeness.  When they arrived at Anna's house, Will and her father were able to have their top secret conversation. Will told him, “I want to pursue your daughter," and her dad didn't object to such a desire.  He did, however, suggest that they should try not to get too serious too quickly, advice that perhaps should have been followed a bit more closely.

        Be that as it may, as Will and Anna drove to a friend's house later, Will tried to explain to Anna what he was thinking. He asked her, “Is it okay that I'm pursuing you?” Anna didn't know exactly what he meant by that, but she liked the sound of it.  “I asked him if he was allowed to hug me, and he did, and then I was happy.”

Will and Anna: Love Ain't Always Easy (Part I)

           Will and Anna knew that they would wind up together in the end. There just wasn't any question about it. Anna confesses to Will, “I always assumed I would marry you, even when I didn't like you. It was just something I knew.” The road to that marriage was definitely not smooth or easy, however, as both Will and Anna will readily admit. In fact, it was a road marked by misunderstandings, misery, discomfort, and drama. But despite it all, it is a road that they wouldn't trade for the world.

           College brought them together. Will and Anna met for the first time at Freshman Orientation in the summer of 2006. Will had already been attending Belhaven College's Reformed University Fellowship regularly, so he informed his mother that her accompaniment would not be necessary, as he was quite comfortable on Belhaven's campus. She, being a wise mother, realized that going alone to Freshman Orientation was something that would make her boy feel more like an adult, so she lovingly acquiesced. Excited about meeting new people and making friends, Will made his way to the Center for the Arts and promptly sat down....by himself.

           Meanwhile, Anna had been working just a few miles down the road, at Twin Lakes Summer Camp. As much as she loved the children she was working with, Anna was quite glad to take a break from the craziness of camp to go to orientation. As she walked up the steps to the Center for the Arts, Anna met another girl named Rachel, who was also quite alone. They decided to sit together and keep one another company. It was at this moment, as the two of them found a seat, that perhaps the most important moment in Will and Anna's life occurred.

          “I looked down maybe three or four rows in front of us,” says Anna, “and there was this big curly-headed fro. So I yelled, 'Hey! Are you here by yourself?'” Will turned around and sheepishly admitted that he was. Anna invited him up to their spot, and he happily accepted. Anna remembers, “We started talking...and then we forgot about Rachel!”

          There were some remarkable connections between Will and Anna, even from the very beginning. Will was thrilled to discover that Anna's family lived in Tyrone, Georgia, as he had been in Tyrone just a few days prior, helping his sister move into her new home. Then they discovered that while he was there, Will and his sister had attended Anna's home church. After thinking about it for a second, Anna decides, “We had a connection.”

             Will admits that for the rest of that day at orientation “I just kind of followed her around.” Apparently, Anna didn't mind. They talked about all kinds of things as they journeyed all over campus and accomplished all the tasks that freshmen were supposed to accomplish at orientation. As they began discussing the levels at which humans will know God in heaven, Will distinctly remembers thinking “Wow, we've talked about really insignificant silly things and now we're talking about pretty serious things.” For Will, such conversation was like a breath of fresh air. It didn't take him long to realize how much he enjoyed being with Anna.

            When freshman orientation ended, Will went back home feeling excited about college and hopeful for a future that might include Anna. When they came back that fall, he hoped he would see her again. And see her he did. “She was by the piano in the student center, wearing tie-dye. I came up and gave her a high five or something because I didn't know if it would be weird to hug her,” Will remembers. It was at that moment that he thought to himself, “Sweet! She is here, she does still exist. We are going to be in the same friend group.”

           Never one to be shy, Will asked Anna to go on a walk with him on one of the first days in the semester. To his surprise, she hastily refused. As she remembers, “It felt too personal.” Will compromised and agreed to walk her back to her dorm...the long way.

           Anna remembers another time while she and a friend were sitting and chatting in the rocking chairs by the student center and Will rode quickly up on his bicycle, then slammed on the brakes when he saw her. “To me it was very very obvious,” says Anna, to which Will replies, “I thought I was being pretty subtle.” Subtle is not Will's strong suit. In fact, Anna knew that he liked her from the very beginning, perhaps even before he knew.

           Unfortunately, Will had decided that it would be unwise to date during his first year of college. Being a rather strong-willed sort of man, he stuck to his guns and refused to let his feelings affect his actions. As a result, Will and Anna became good friends, along with other goofy freshmen like Jonathan Eastman, Kara Cotton, and Alex Freel. They had a grand time that semester, playing ping pong, watching movies together, and having bonfires out at Will's old place. But there was an elephant in the room, and it wouldn't be hard to keep it out of sight for an entire year.

           By the end of the semester, Will remembers that Anna was starting to send some more favorable signals. He observed, “She's going out of her way to show me affection...by smiling in certain ways and opening up a little bit.” In fact, Anna admits that she had started to like him towards the end of the semester, but his habit of being less than subtle often annoyed her. In fact, she told her older brother Josh to convince Will to cease and desist. Josh wisely asked her if she was absolutely sure that she would never want to date Will. She couldn't bring herself to say that, so Josh didn't discourage Will. Instead, as Josh got to know Will better, he began to advise Anna that she was turning down a good man.

          Jonathan Bassett invited a big group of friends to his house in Boerne, Texas over Christmas break. Both Will and Anna decided to go, and it turned out to be a very pleasant vacation. They saw the sights of San Antonio, explored old dried up creek beds, played songs around a campfire, took late night walks under the stars, and talked about everything and anything. It was a delightful end to a fairly delightful semester.

           The next year began well. Will and Anna would often spend time together while she was working in the computer lab. One such evening, they were planning to go to Student Missions Fellowship, but her shift didn't end until after the start of the gathering. Will silently debated whether he should wait and walk with her to SMF or go ahead and go (in an effort to be more subtle). To help himself decide the matter he verbalized it, saying “Well, SMF is starting but you don't get off yet...” to which Anna replied, “It's okay for you to walk me over.” Will was overjoyed.

           His joy was short-lived, however. When he went to the computer lab the next week to hang out with Anna, she informed him that she had things to do and didn't have time to waste with him. For the rest of the semester, their relationship was tense, to say the least.

           Anna remembers having weeks in which she liked Will and weeks in which she didn't. She called these her “married” weeks and her “not married” weeks. As she recalls, “I went on a walk with Kirsten Jensen and Kirsten asked 'Is this a married week or a not married week?' and I said 'I think it's a resigned to be married week.'” Kirsten, confused, asked her what a “resigned to be married” week was. As Anna sat on the swing at Laurel Park, squishing her toes in the mud, she replied, “I just know I'm going to marry Will McNeese.”

Jonathan and Emily: Love Conquers All (The Final Chapter)

          The actual proposal was a smashing success, if I say so myself. We met with Emily's parents and got the official go-ahead on a Thursday evening.  I knew that if I waited too long, the proposal wouldn't be very surprising.  I am a rather sneaky person, however, and I love to surprise people.  

          And so, I began to scheme. Emily and I had looked at rings earlier in the week, so I had a pretty good idea of what she liked. However, when could I find the time to make the purchase? When I wasn't at work, I was either sleeping or hanging out with Emily.

           I secretly arranged for my roommate to call me while I was at Emily's house the next morning and pretend to be my boss asking me to come in to work early. To my surprise, Emily fell for the ruse! I left Emily's house and dashed down to the jewelry store, ready to buy a ring. Once it came time to actually make the decision, however, I found it harder than I had imagined.

           Was I really about to buy an engagement ring? Was I, Jonathan Wesley Eastman, going to ask a woman to spend the rest of her life with me? Through thick and thin, through good and bad, through joy and sorrow? After all, isn't marriage the most unrealistic, illogical, bizarre life decision that a man can ever make? But when it came down to it, and I gazed at the rows of sparkling diamonds, there was no real doubt in my mind. Yes, I most certainly was ready to take that risk. The time had come to act.

           When I finally made my decision, the jeweler informed me that the ring could be re-sized and ready to pick up by the next afternoon, a Saturday.  

           Fortunately, Emily had to work late that night, so I had a few hours to arrange things. I decided that Sunday would be ideal and that a friend's house would be a good place to pop the question. I called Will McNeese and explained my idea to him. He would invite us to his house for Sunday lunch, but when we got there, the house would be empty...except for a delicious meal and some roses and candles. Will immediately jumped on board with the idea, but his phone was running out of battery life while we talked. Hurriedly, we plotted the details of the meal and the setup, then agreed to put the plan into action.

             On Saturday, I convinced Emily that my shift at work started at 12:00, when it really didn't start until 2:00. In those two hours of free time, I managed to pick up the ring, write a proposal song, and create a romantic play-list on my ipod, and buy some tea candles while a unusually powerful rainstorm nearly submerged the city in water.  

           The big day was terrifying. I went to church with a ring in my pocket and sweated through a sermon that I'm sure was carefully designed to be convicting and comforting...but just seemed to go on forever.

           After what seemed like hours, we made it out of church and headed to Will and Anna's house. As we pulled up to the house, they were pulling away. “We forgot something at the store, let yourselves in with the key in the mailbox, we'll be right back!” Will yelled at us as we parked the car. I walked up to the front door, pulled out the key, and was pulled into a remarkably passionate embrace by my almost-fiance. I nonchalantly opened the door and guided her inside.

           She looked around at the roses and candles and asked herself, “Why is the table set for two? Did Will and Anna already eat?” Meanwhile, I was thinking “Oops, I planned everything out except for the actual proposal moment. How should I phrase this question?” In the end, I dropped to one knee and asked her “Emily, will you marry me?” I didn't have to wait long for her answer.

           We spent the next hour eating, laughing, and enjoying the fact that we were now an officially engaged couple. Later that evening we feasted on cheap pizza and happy conversations with a big group of our married friends.

           Both of us were so excited when we first got engaged that we immediately went out and began creating registries, planning wedding details, and looking for dresses and suits to wear. The rest of the fall semester remains a a blur of work, school, and tender embraces.

           I spent Christmas at the Fraiser house. They typically celebrate holidays with huge quantities of food and conversation. The process takes the better part of a day and is quite delightful. On New Year's Day, we departed for a weekend trip to Georgia to visit my family. We decided to bring Izzy, Emily's pet rabbit, with us. My parents fell in love with the adorable bunny, and I must admit that I did as well. In fact, Izzy now lives with me.

          That is where we now stand. Izzy enjoys digging holes in cardboard boxes and munching on leftover lettuce. I am working two jobs, learning how to cook, and wishing the time until our wedding would pass quicker. Meanwhile, Emily is trying to stay on top of all her schoolwork while planning a wedding and holding down a part time job.

To be honest, being engaged is difficult. Wedding planning can be a headache. Finding a decent job isn't as easy as I had hoped. Sometimes it seems like the universe itself is opposed to love, like the world hates happiness. But we refuse to give up now. Together, we are stronger. Don't stand in our way.

Jonathan and Emily: Love Conquers All (Part 4)

          Convinced that I would be living the single life for a long while, I went ahead with plans to go to South Korea and teach English. After a brief jaunt in Colorado where we heartily celebrated my roommate's wedding, I returned to Jackson to mop up the details of my South Korean trip, collect my things, and say goodbye to friends.

           God had other plans. Around this time, Emily watched a movie called “Leap Year," and something about the film reminded her of me. Then she realized that she missed me. And so, true to our original style, Emily sent me an email informing me of this fact. I distinctly recall the confusion I felt as I read her message. She really missed me. Could it be that the little hope that refused to die was still alive under the dead leaves and the dirty ground? It didn't take us long to find out.

           Our first reunion date was a trip to Starbucks.  In the car, we had a brief awkward moment as we tried to define what was happening between us.  In the end, we decided to give up trying to define our relationship and just let it happen.  After some coffee and conversation with friends, we headed to evening church, then rambled over to campus for some pizza.    

          Once again, we became inseparable. And this time it lasted. Just a few days later, while sitting at a violin concert, I put my arm around Emily, and we both stopped breathing for a few minutes. She remembers the moment feeling right, and I remember being thankful that she didn't slap me in the face. Later that night, she tried to hold my hand but was foiled by the chocolate chip cookies I was holding. Not one to give up so easily, she grabbed my hand while we were shopping in Target. We haven't let go since.

           A few months into our happy and joyous relationship, I decided that I could no longer keep my feelings to myself. Emily needed to know that I wanted to marry her. I called my mother and informed her of the situation. Mother advised me to restrain myself, as it was too soon, and I would probably scare Emily away again. I listened to mom's advice, hung up the phone, and told Emily that I wanted to marry her approximately ten minutes later. Thankfully, Emily did not run away this time. In fact, she confessed that she had been feeling the same thing. Imagine that!

Jonathan and Emily: Love Conquers All (Part 3)

          Fall semester began to draw to a close. I prepared to graduate. Emily prepared to never see me again.  And then a miracle happened. After a few shots of Scotch one fateful afternoon, I worked up the courage to ask Emily to go on a walk with me.  In my mind, a walk is just past letter-writing on the “friend to fiance” scale. To my surprise, Emily accepted my invitation.

           During our walk, I didn't know what to do with myself. The two of us meandered down to Basil's for some sandwiches, then strolled aimlessly around the Belhaven neighborhood. She was apparently enjoying herself, while I nearly drowned in my own nervousness. I took her down to the old railroad bridge across the Pearl River, a move which I calculated to be exceedingly romantic.  I couldn't tell if she noticed the romance of the place, however, so our walk ended in a sort of vaguely happy and way.

           That's when it all just seemed to come together for us. It was a Friday, a Friday I will never forget. I saw Emily and her friends eating lunch in the student center, and I mustered up enough gumption to sit with them. We talked and laughed and stuffed our faces for a few minutes, then decided to meet up again to watch a friend sing at studio class. A big group of us did so, then decided to go to Wired Espresso Cafe in downtown Jackson to "study." Emily and I read comic books at the coffee shop, then we all went back to my house and made spaghetti.

           After dinner, we decided to go to the Singing Christmas Tree at Belhaven. By this point in the evening I was feeling great. The hope I had guarded for so long was growing into quite the healthy plant.  It had been a long time since I had spent an entire afternoon with anyone, much less a beautiful woman. 

          But Friday wasn't over yet. When the Christmas Tree ended, her friends decided that they wanted to drive three hours up to Tunica in order to watch a movie. In the heat of the moment, I decided to go as well.  It isn't my habit to stay out late or do things on the spur of the moment, so I think my roommates may have thought that I had passed on to another life during the night.

          We made popcorn and watched the movie, slept for a few hours in Tunica, then got back in the car and drove home. Emily and I ended up next to each other in the back seat, so we played a quiet game of hangman most of the way back. As I got out of the car and started walking home, I turned to Emily and quite seriously told her, “Thank you for existing.”

           For the next week or so, Emily and I were inseparable. We read comics together, watched several movies at my house, went on a winter picnic at the Reservoir, and managed to study as little as possible. As graduation approached, I became more and more optimistic about our future together. By now the tree of hope had begun to blossom.  

          Since my parents were coming into town to see me graduate, I decided to invite Emily to come have lunch with us. I thought it would be a good move, since my parents rarely made the trip to Mississippi, and they really wanted to meet the girl that I kept telling them about. That's when everything fell to pieces.

          Emily declined the invitation. Later in the day, she came to my apartment to explain.  She told me that everything had been happening too fast.  She didn't like me in the same way that I liked her, and she was still figuring out her relationship with another guy. I was quite stunned, to say the least.

          It had all happened so suddenly. One day we were spending every waking moment together, and the next afternoon she was telling me that she didn't even like me. I didn't even know how to grieve for something that had never really been. The place where the hope had been growing now looked like a pile of rotten leaves and dirty earth. 

 

Don't worry, there's definitely more to this story.

Jonathan and Emily: Love Conquers All (Part 2)

          When summer break arrived, Emily and I agreed to exchange letters. This was a big step for me. Letters took time, took planning, took effort. Letters were more personal than emails, were more honest than internet chatting. The hope that I hadn't allowed to die was beginning to take root.  Naturally, I decided to water it with a healthy combination of optimism and wishful thinking.  I sent her a fabulous, intricate letter that I had spent hours crafting and was overjoyed when I received her equally fabulous reply.  

          Summer ended (as they often do), and we returned to Jackson to continue our studies at Belhaven.  Then things began to get tricky. By the time that I realized I liked her, I became too timid to actually talk to her.  This tendency is not exceptionally conducive to the establishment of successful relationships, as you can imagine. Emily noticed that I didn't talk to her as much, and she wondered what had happened. At the time, she thought we had become pretty good friends, and she couldn't figure out why I would be avoiding her.

          Despite my timidness, I couldn't completely forget about Emily. The hope that had sprouted during the summer was parched, certainly, but still not dead. In fact, I spent many mornings sitting on a little bench outside of her class and secretly hoping to see her.  I understand now that this sort of behavior is generally discouraged (the word “stalker” comes to mind), but I was too lonely to stay home and too nervous to approach her.

          Early in the semester I was able to overcome my shyness for a moment, and I invited her to the writing lab where I was working so that we could exchange summer stories. To my surprise, she actually came! The conversation was lively and fun, and I hoped that such moments would happen more frequently.

          Occasionally that semester we would sit in the white rocking chairs near the student center and talk. It took a great deal of courage for me to sit next to her if I saw her there. Usually I would walk past, pause to deliberate, pray for courage, wring my hands in desperation, then walk away. But sometimes I would overcome my fear and join her. She generally had studying to do. Sometimes I would pretend to, but I never really did.

           On a particularly sunny afternoon, I found her studying outside with a group of her friends. I plopped down next to her and began doing some creative writing exercises. Exercises which, to be honest, I had created for myself so that I could seem busy. We chatted and pretended to be working on classwork for several hours. I'm fairly certain, however, that neither of us accomplished anything.  That was the moment that I realized just how beautiful Emily is. 

more to follow... 

Jonathan and Emily: Love Conquers All

           From the very beginning, it felt like a lost cause. Emily had good friends, a smile like a sunrise, and impeccable taste. I had an eternally twisted tongue, a tattered tweed coat, and a long list of failure. I still don't know why I kept trying. At every stage, I felt like I was battering my head against a solid wall.  But if there's one thing I know about the male species, it is this: we are stubborn creatures. 

           Emily and I didn't have classes together or friends in common, even though we attended the same small private college. Somehow or another, however, we were bound to meet. Emily remembers seeing me at a bonfire one night during her freshman year. She had seen me around campus before (keep in mind, our college was quite small), but this time was different. This time it seemed to her that I was following her as she moved around the bonfire.  I don't recall this particular detail, but I certainly don't deny the possibility. Now, I know what you're thinking. That doesn't sound like a good start to a healthy relationship. I tend to agree. But keep reading, for our story didn't end there.

           For some reason, we began chatting online. To this day, I don't remember when or why, but I'm glad we did.  However, at the time this development didn't give me much hope.  In my experience, relationships built on the internet are shallow at best and deceitful at worst. But despite my misgivings, I couldn't argue with the flutter I felt in my chest every time she signed on. So we talked (about nothing important of course), and I kept this little hope alive, unwilling to let it die.

Stay tuned for the rest of the story...

Jared and Madison: First Love Is Sweetest

          When it comes to love, all men need a little help. Jared Weninger certainly had his fair share of help along the way as he wooed the heart of Madison Rose Childs. The two met while they were attending Belhaven University, but the sparks did not immediately fly. In fact, neither Madison nor Jared can remember their very first conversation, which could have been nothing more than a simple “Hey, how you doing?”
          It was biology that brought them together. As Jared freely admits, the only way he could survive three hour night classes was by completing copious quantities of Sudoku and passing notes to friends (or acquaintances). Fortunately, Jared and Madison sat next to each other in biology class that semester. Never one to be shy, Jared informed Madison that he would be passing her notes during class in order to stay focused. To his surprise, she wrote him back with extraordinary detail, telling him all about herself, her family, and her life. The semester passed, and the class ended. Then, as Jared so eloquently puts it, “I probably didn't talk to her for the whole year after that.”


          No one knows exactly what subconscious thoughts and desires began to form in Jared's heart and mind during that year. What we do know is that their story was definitely not over. In their third year of undergraduate studies, they both became Resident Assistants. Through the training and group activities of the RA staff, their friendship began to grow. Over the summer after their junior year they chatted online a few times, and the wheels in Jared's mind began to slowly turn. Nothing definite yet—but a process of discovery had certainly begun.
          At RA training that fall, Jared found himself sitting at a session with a group of his friends. One of those friends, Andrew, drew Jared's attention to Madison: “That girl is so beautiful. Someone should date her.” With those innocent words, Andrew unwittingly began a process that would lead eventually to a wish and a ring. But what was Madison thinking all this time?


           For Madison, it was Jared's character that first drew her attention. One night, she and a friend needed a ride to Sonic for some late night study food. Jared happily provided them with transportation. When Jared started the car, Madison was pleasantly surprised by the fact that his radio was tuned to a Christian station. As she says, “I know it sounds silly, but who listens to Christian music...for fun? That's when I realized he must be serious, that he might be someone worth getting to know.”
          A big moment came when the two of them walked to a friend's house together. Jared had been invited to a get-together at a friend's house (affectionately known as the “Tootsie Roll”), but he was worried that he might be the only guy present. While they were eating dinner, he mentioned the invitation to Madison, who mentioned rather slyly that she had nothing to do that evening, but didn't want to go back to her room and do nothing. With a response like that, what could he do but ask her to walk with him?
          And so they went. On the way back from the Tootsie Roll, they found themselves walking together again, and as they neared campus Jared realized that he didn't want the walk to end. While he silently debated whether or not to ask Madison to walk longer, she secretly hoped he would do so. At last, his interest won the day, and the two of them walked around the neighborhood for another two hours, talking and laughing and getting to know one another.
           Not long after the Tootsie Roll adventure, Jared followed Madison to Hilton Head for fall break. He even convinced his friends to go with him, neglecting to mention to them that Madison was the only reason he wanted to go. They had a great time during the break, and Jared decided that it was time to tell Madison how he felt about her.
          When they got back to Jackson, he told his closest friends to pray that he would have the courage to approach her. One night passed, and he couldn't do it. He asked her to hang out again the next day, fully intending to tell her...but wimped out again. The third time he asked her to hang out, she almost refused. She prayed, “Lord I can't keep doing this, I'm putting too much of my heart out there!” In the end, however, she decided to give Jared one more chance. That night Jared informed her of his feelings, and after she assured him the she felt the same, he said “I feel like I should hug you now or something.”
           Thankfully, Madison was feeling much the same, so they hugged and began to hang out more intentionally. Neither Jared nor Madison had ever dated before, so every day was a new and exciting chance to learn more about each other.


         They are a light hearted couple who enjoy simple joys like gazing at stars, watching kid's movies, and reading fantasy children's literature together. While watching a movie one day, Jared asked Madison if he could put his arm around her. Madison admits that while it might sound odd, his asking for her permission made her feel more respected. Before Jared left for a lengthy trip to Europe, the couple had a picnic by Ross Barnett Reservoir where they enjoyed their first kiss (after Jared asked permission, of course).
          They spent many late nights at Whataburger while Madison worked hard on her senior dance project, a study of creative movement and creative dance therapy for children with special needs. In order to motivate her to keep working, Jared would often promise to buy her ice cream for every eight pages she completed.
          After graduation in May, the two of them went to Texas to visit her family. Upon arriving, Jared was immediately roped into a construction project at her brother's house. He slaved away from the crack of dawn to help pour cement for a patio. After this grueling (but enjoyable) time, they flew to Florida, where Jared introduced Madison to many of the important people in his life.


           Jared made their one year anniversary a day to remember. After a nice dinner, he presented her with a beautiful necklace, insisting that while it wasn't the piece of jewelry he knew she wanted (an engagement ring), it was the best he could do at the moment. Then, after an ice cream dessert at Biaggi's, he read her a book about their relationship that he had personally crafted. The book ended with the words “I Love You.” This was the first time that Jared had ever told Madison those words, and it nearly took her breath away.
          Thinking that the book had been the highlight of the evening, Madison happily followed Jared out to the fountain at the Renaissance. They threw pennies over their shoulders and made wishes. Madison, as usual, refused to tell Jared her wish (since, of course, then it wouldn't come true). But when she asked him what his wish had been, he dropped to one knee, pulled out a ring, and said “I know my wish is going to come true so I'll tell you...will you marry me?" How could she resist such a charming question?


          Jared and Madison plan to enter into holy matrimony at Northpark Presbyterian in May of 2011. So far, they are enjoying the wedding planning process. Madison insists that she doesn't want the focus to be on the wedding itself, but on the marriage: “I just want it to be a picture of what God has done and what he is doing.” Jared, on the other hand, was just hoping to be able to wear flip-flops to the ceremony. As he says, “Being engaged is cool, but I hear that marriage is even better.” In all seriousness though, both Jared and Madison are dedicated to each other and to God, and their heart for ministry is apparent in their words and actions.
          Looking back, they agree that honest communication has been a huge blessing in their relationship. Due to their reliance on Christ, Jared and Madison are able to be real and open with each other.
          They hope to find meaning in whatever work they do. Building relationships with people is very important to both of them, as their many close friends can agree. Foreign missions is not out of the question, as both Jared and Madison are very interested in serving others. Madison points out that even as a barista at Seattle Drip she is able to impact the lives of her customers in positive ways, a perk of her job that she thoroughly enjoys.
          Their relationship began with notes in class, a careless comment by a friend, and a walk to the Tootsie Roll. Their past is beautiful, their present is joyful, and their future is yet to be discovered.

jump on the bandwagon before it rolls away

I am a story-teller.  And I want to tell your story.  Don't tell me you don't have one, because that's just not true.  You have a mother, don't you?  You were a child once.  Perhaps you grew up and married your childhood sweetheart.  Or you are about to get married to someone you met on an airplane.  Or you built your own cabin in the woods using only a hammer and your will to succeed.  Unless of course you live in the city, where you started your own restaurant or delivered mail for fifty years.  Maybe you started a band that is about to go on a tour of Europe.  Then again, perhaps you followed a band for a year or two.  Some of you may have fought for our country...or another country.  You have a story, and since you live and breath and eat and drink like everyone else on this planet, your story deserves to be told.

So here's the deal:  if you want to preserve your story, contact me.  The next two people who do so will receive a digital copy of their story at no charge.  Consider it a gift from me to mankind.  Help me figure out how to make this thing work, and receive something for almost nothing (just a small chunk of your time).