Fall semester began to draw to a close. I prepared to graduate. Emily prepared to never see me again. And then a miracle happened. After a few shots of Scotch one fateful afternoon, I worked up the courage to ask Emily to go on a walk with me. In my mind, a walk is just past letter-writing on the “friend to fiance” scale. To my surprise, Emily accepted my invitation.
During our walk, I didn't know what to do with myself. The two of us meandered down to Basil's for some sandwiches, then strolled aimlessly around the Belhaven neighborhood. She was apparently enjoying herself, while I nearly drowned in my own nervousness. I took her down to the old railroad bridge across the Pearl River, a move which I calculated to be exceedingly romantic. I couldn't tell if she noticed the romance of the place, however, so our walk ended in a sort of vaguely happy and way.
That's when it all just seemed to come together for us. It was a Friday, a Friday I will never forget. I saw Emily and her friends eating lunch in the student center, and I mustered up enough gumption to sit with them. We talked and laughed and stuffed our faces for a few minutes, then decided to meet up again to watch a friend sing at studio class. A big group of us did so, then decided to go to Wired Espresso Cafe in downtown Jackson to "study." Emily and I read comic books at the coffee shop, then we all went back to my house and made spaghetti.
After dinner, we decided to go to the Singing Christmas Tree at Belhaven. By this point in the evening I was feeling great. The hope I had guarded for so long was growing into quite the healthy plant. It had been a long time since I had spent an entire afternoon with anyone, much less a beautiful woman.
But Friday wasn't over yet. When the Christmas Tree ended, her friends decided that they wanted to drive three hours up to Tunica in order to watch a movie. In the heat of the moment, I decided to go as well. It isn't my habit to stay out late or do things on the spur of the moment, so I think my roommates may have thought that I had passed on to another life during the night.
We made popcorn and watched the movie, slept for a few hours in Tunica, then got back in the car and drove home. Emily and I ended up next to each other in the back seat, so we played a quiet game of hangman most of the way back. As I got out of the car and started walking home, I turned to Emily and quite seriously told her, “Thank you for existing.”
For the next week or so, Emily and I were inseparable. We read comics together, watched several movies at my house, went on a winter picnic at the Reservoir, and managed to study as little as possible. As graduation approached, I became more and more optimistic about our future together. By now the tree of hope had begun to blossom.
Since my parents were coming into town to see me graduate, I decided to invite Emily to come have lunch with us. I thought it would be a good move, since my parents rarely made the trip to Mississippi, and they really wanted to meet the girl that I kept telling them about. That's when everything fell to pieces.
Emily declined the invitation. Later in the day, she came to my apartment to explain. She told me that everything had been happening too fast. She didn't like me in the same way that I liked her, and she was still figuring out her relationship with another guy. I was quite stunned, to say the least.
It had all happened so suddenly. One day we were spending every waking moment together, and the next afternoon she was telling me that she didn't even like me. I didn't even know how to grieve for something that had never really been. The place where the hope had been growing now looked like a pile of rotten leaves and dirty earth.
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